Thursday, April 13, 2006

My Priceless Snaggle

Blogging can make me feel selfish sometimes because I'm talking about me, me, me. I have decided once a week, I'm going to post about a special person in my life. This week, I'm posting about my step daughter "Snaggle".

Heheheeee... Bet you didn't know I found this self portrait of you on the digital camera, did ya Snag?

It's hard to believe that you have been in my life for over ten years now. I was only two years older than you are now when we met. You were such a sweet, loving, little girl. You were always ready to hug and kiss me. I hadn't grown up with much affection and I wasn't sure what to think about all the love you had to offer. Your innocent, unconditional love overwhelmed and scared me. Sometimes, it made me feel bad because I didn't know if I could love as much as you. It scared me because you loved so openly and deeply, I knew one day someone would take advantage of that love.

I have never hurt for anyone as much as I hurt for you when your heart got broken from that little punk of a boyfriend. I would have done anything to shield you from such pain. What saddened me even more was knowing you would change how you loved after that experience. I knew you wouldn't throw yourself into someone again and always hold back parts of you. You built up a wall and became more like me. You started hugging people less and "I love you's" came out of your mouth more infrequently. Always remember that there are safe people you can love in your life(like family) that will never hurt you. I think one of your greatest qualities is your loving heart and I will always cherish it. You have taught me not to be so cold and tough. You would force me to hold you for at least eight seconds. You made me learn to be more loving.

I know your junior year in high school has been tough and you are confused about your future right now. It is okay, you don't have to know what you want to be forever. You are very intelligent and I have confidence you will figure everything out. You are a hard worker in both school and your job. You are making more money waitressing right now than I make farming! Instead of being so frustrated with life right now, you should be proud of yourself. You manage to get great grades while working a tough, part-time job. You also are a wonderful help to me. I wouldn't get to train as much as I do if it wasn't for your help. Doing the chicken chores after school and folding mountains of laundry in the evening is a huge help. I probably don't thank you enough, I'm sorry. I appreciate you everyday although it may not be said.

I'm not going to sugar coat the truth though, being a teenager can suck balls. I hated it and wouldn't go back to high school even for all your tip money. I just want you to know that I will always be here if you need me. I know I can't change everything for you but I will listen and do my best to understand your feelings. The way you feel about life isn't going to last forever, I promise it will get better. Here's a good quote for you:
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

You are growing and learning on and daily basis. I'm proud of the beautiful woman you have become. Oh, the places you will go! I love you, Snaggle!


At 11:33 PM, Blogger Jill said...

"Suck balls!!" Good analogy!!

That is great that your relationship with your step-daughter started off so well. I was a jealous step-kid. My step-mom and I had quite a few rough patches and didn't really start getting along until I was well into my twenties. But all is good now, that is the important part.

At 11:34 PM, Blogger Jessica A. Freas "Freeze" said...

Michelle, you are a wonderful step-mom (and a friend) and I am glad that I have had the pleasure to meet her. The first thing I notice was how beautiful she is and that she takes in everything that is said and heard. She does have a lot to give and guess what... you are now going to get hugs not only from her, but now from ME! I love to give hugs! Get ready! B/c Maddie and I are going to gang up on you the next time that we have that chance! Thanks for allowing me to be a part of your life.

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