Mom-isms

Here is my Mom, my sisters and I. I am the fat, butterball turkey in my Mom's arms. I spent time with my Mom this weekend and thought about all the funny things she says. My Mom's language is colorful and full of exaggerations, she cracks me up. Here are some classic "Mom-isms":

"As Tight As A Tick": Mom talking about someone that is cheap. They don't share their wealth, split the bill or leave good tips.

"Fat City, Sin City, Slut City": Any word followed by the word "city" means she feels strongly about it. Fat city is a super sized McDonald's Big Mac meal. When I asked to go to a New Years Eve party in 10th grade, she told me "No, it's nothing but Sin City!" When I tried to wear a tight, spandex skirt with black tights to school, she made me change because I looked like slut city.

"All Hot and Heavy" When I'd have boyfriends come to the house and we'd be watching TV, my Mom would tell me not to get "all hot and heavy". This would really gross me out, my Mom talking to me about sex!

"You are going to rot your teeth right out of your head!" My Mom was a dental hygienist. She has this thing about teeth. I loved to suck on lemons when I was 12 and it would make her crazy.

"You smell like a wet dog or you stink like a skunk" You need to bathe!

"Get Out of Dodge" She knows something bad is going to happen so she is going to avoid it.

"You almost ripped my arm off!" We went for a walk at the park on Friday. I picked up a large stick and was poking it in a tree hollow. My Mom was standing behind me. I moved my hand up the stick and I touched something wet and slimy. I freaked out and dropped stick, it "brushed" my Mom on the arm.

"As mean as a snake" When I'm in a bad mood.

"You look like Clarabell Clown" She thinks I applied too much makeup. Who is Clarabell anyway? Is she even a clown?

"It looks like a mouse danced on your head" When she doesn't like my hair.

"Shape Up or Ship Out" Change your attitude or you'll get smacked.