I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

This weekend was full of first experiences. On Saturday, after a 50 mile bike ride, my friend Meg took me out on her boat. Meg asked if I wanted to try to water ski. It was hot as goat balls so I thought it would be a great idea. Meg went first and she looked like a pro. While I was watching her, she reminded me of the Go-Go's video above, "Vacation". She made it look so simple, I was ready to take the plunge.

She told me to keep my legs bent and shoulders back, it sounded simple enough. First I had to get the water skis on, which was hard in the water. I slammed the damn ski into my skin and got a nice bruise. Once I had them on, I had to grab the rope. "Ready?" Meg asked and the boat accelerated. I did a nose dive into the water and got a good nasal irrigation. I tried again and I did the splits like Nadia Comaneci. It felt like I ripped my hamstrings off. I kept trying and trying, I probably tried over 30 times to get up but couldn't. Ken and Meg were really patient, they had to keep circling around every time I'd fall. My last attempt was when I looked like Gumby, got an enema and a douche. Then the rope slammed into my quads and gave me a welt. I had enough self abuse for one day. I came home and told my husband about my lack of water skiing finesse. Guess what? He is buying a boat as we speak. I think he wants to see me look like an idiot.

Today, I decide to be a glutton for punishment yet again and try mountain biking with bike shop friends. Amy let me borrow her old mountain bike and we headed to Harris park. I am a sissy that is so afraid of falling. I could never be a mountain biker, I'm a roadie. Unlike yesterday, I did not fall once. I did feel like I was driving a semi-truck through McDonald's drive-thru when we did sharp turns through the trees. I squealed like a pig probably ten times when going over bridges and stumps and this made everyone laugh. I'm glad Amy let me borrow her bike because I know that mountain biking is not for me, it rattles my cage too much. I did complete the beginner course and two intermediate course laps. When I got home, I went for a 80 minute run during the heat of the day and was thankful to be on even ground.

I'm gonna learn how to water ski, I tell you. I want to look like the Go-Go's, fuckin' tiara, tutu and all! I'm sore today though, my arms feel like they were pulled outta socket. What other physically abusive things can I get into next?