Sunday, June 11, 2006

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

This weekend was full of first experiences. On Saturday, after a 50 mile bike ride, my friend Meg took me out on her boat. Meg asked if I wanted to try to water ski. It was hot as goat balls so I thought it would be a great idea. Meg went first and she looked like a pro. While I was watching her, she reminded me of the Go-Go's video above, "Vacation". She made it look so simple, I was ready to take the plunge.

She told me to keep my legs bent and shoulders back, it sounded simple enough. First I had to get the water skis on, which was hard in the water. I slammed the damn ski into my skin and got a nice bruise. Once I had them on, I had to grab the rope. "Ready?" Meg asked and the boat accelerated. I did a nose dive into the water and got a good nasal irrigation. I tried again and I did the splits like Nadia Comaneci. It felt like I ripped my hamstrings off. I kept trying and trying, I probably tried over 30 times to get up but couldn't. Ken and Meg were really patient, they had to keep circling around every time I'd fall. My last attempt was when I looked like Gumby, got an enema and a douche. Then the rope slammed into my quads and gave me a welt. I had enough self abuse for one day. I came home and told my husband about my lack of water skiing finesse. Guess what? He is buying a boat as we speak. I think he wants to see me look like an idiot.

Today, I decide to be a glutton for punishment yet again and try mountain biking with bike shop friends. Amy let me borrow her old mountain bike and we headed to Harris park. I am a sissy that is so afraid of falling. I could never be a mountain biker, I'm a roadie. Unlike yesterday, I did not fall once. I did feel like I was driving a semi-truck through McDonald's drive-thru when we did sharp turns through the trees. I squealed like a pig probably ten times when going over bridges and stumps and this made everyone laugh. I'm glad Amy let me borrow her bike because I know that mountain biking is not for me, it rattles my cage too much. I did complete the beginner course and two intermediate course laps. When I got home, I went for a 80 minute run during the heat of the day and was thankful to be on even ground.

I'm gonna learn how to water ski, I tell you. I want to look like the Go-Go's, fuckin' tiara, tutu and all! I'm sore today though, my arms feel like they were pulled outta socket. What other physically abusive things can I get into next?


At 4:57 PM, Blogger Meg Moss said...

How freakin hilarious!! I totally knew the song as you were singing it yesturday, but had no idea they were water skiing in the video!! We're totally getting tiara's! I know for a fact that you'll get up on those darn skis....everyone has to go through the splits, enemas, faceplants, scrapes and sinus cavity purges before feeling the exhilaration of actually skiing!! I had a great time! I can't believe you ran in this heat today - I hope you hydrated!

At 7:33 AM, Blogger Brett said...

Roller blading sounds perfect!

At 1:27 PM, Blogger Miss Jenny said...

Your first water skiing experience sounds a whole lot like my first, last and only time water skiing. It took 20 tries and then I jerked around like a rubber chicken for 3.5 seconds and then fell down.

I was swimming at Jordan Lake on Saturday, but it was at like 10:30am and we only went for about 1/2 an hour. It was really fun and not too scary and I actually swam pretty well -- I decided to leave so soon because I didn't want something to go awry and ruin the confidence I'd just built! I think Randy and I are going to go out again this weekend, except this time, we're bringing the kayak so he can sit in it, because he got too tired from swimming. Finally something I can beat him at. Woot!

At 2:40 PM, Blogger E-Speed said...

OMG I got the worst wedgie ever the one and only time I tried to ski. I would kill myself. Way too clumsy for that sport!

At 3:55 PM, Blogger DaisyDuc said...

Oh Mojo, you have got me laughing out loud out the office! Too funny! Learning to water ski is not easy and I give you a lot of credit for trying so many times. It will come and when it does, it will be so worth it! Water skiing is an absolute blast!

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At 7:16 AM, Blogger nancytoby said...

Heh, I thought of you during the race!

I finally peed on the bike. Not while I was in motion (damn, it wouldn't work), but when I was stopped by the side of the road. No dismount, just straddling the bike and peeing down my leg. It probably saved 5 minutes on my time. I was happy happy. Now if I can only do it in motion some day....

I have not yet ever peed on the run except properly in a porta potty or in the bushes or behind the porta potty when there was a line or on the side of the road when there were no bushes.

I did, however, pee sitting down in transition on the grass again.

I rock. :-)

At 9:30 AM, Blogger Bridget said...

This post was so funny, thanks for the laugh. I love your determination. Also, the goat-balls expression is a hoot.

At 7:42 AM, Blogger Papa Louie said...

Maybe you're not able to ski with 2 ski's on so you better try with just 1 on then you can say,"I slalom".
And after that you can go with no ski's like me. Eventualy, you'll be walking on water!

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