Sick as a Dog

You don't know how thankful I am to not be vomiting every 15 minutes. I feel like I've been put through the spin cycle 20 times but I'm so thankful not to be gagging my head off.


It started yesterday morning at 5am. I had been feeling bad laying in bed around 3 am but I tried to just lay still and take deep breaths. Once I sat up, the vomiting and diarrhea began. I had eaten pizza and blueberries for dinner after my bike ride in the rain that evening with Meg. It obviously just sat in my stomach all night because when I projectile vomited, it was blood red. My husband heard me gagging and ran into the bathroom. "Oh my God! You are vomiting blood!" Then we realized it was just blueberries.

Every 15 minutes, I was vomiting and shitting. I had a bucket in my hands while sitting on the throne. This was worse than chemotherapy. During chemo, I would throw up but not shit at the same time. My husband was great, he would empty out the vomit bucket and hand me washcloths to wipe my snotty and vomity face. The only thing he did that made me want to vomit in his direction was he kept forcing me to drink water or gatorade. I kept throwing it up 10 minutes later. Nothing was staying down, not even my own bile. I felt like I wanted to die. At 10:30, I was just vomiting bright yellow and shitting liquidy intestinal lining. I was so thirsty, a thirst I have never had before. I felt like I had run a marathon in the Sahara. My tongue felt thick, pasty and swollen. Things were blurry, I couldn't stand up for more than one minute.

He said we were going to the hospital at 11am. I was scared, I thought I would shit in the car ride to the hospital. I ask him to wait until I did another gag and shit cycle and he packed me a clean set of jeans and underwear in case I pooped in my pants. It sucked to have no control of my body. It was pouring rain from the tropical storm, and we were hydroplaning during the drive. I made it to the hospital without embarrassing myself and ran into the bathroom when we walked into the door with my trusty vomit pail.

When I got into the exam room, they had trouble getting my blood pressure. Then they told me I needed to pee in a cup. I didn't think I had any pee left. They said if I couldn't pee in a cup, they would have to get a sample with a catheter. OH, hell no! I managed to get a tablespoon of pee out. Then they had to get in IV in, which was fine because I knew I would be getting some saline which would quench my thirst. When they were digging around in my veins I forgot about shitting or vomiting. It's funny how one type of pain can cure another. I got two liters of saline in about 1 1/2 hours. They also gave me some Phenergan in my IV. It made me sleepy and it seemed like everyone was echoing. I stopped throwing up. I was so fucking thankful I wanted to kiss the doctor and the nurse. I said thank you about twenty times.

I feel really tired. I am supposed to go to White Lake this weekend to water ski. I don't know if I feel up to transforming into Gumby again. I'm not supposed to eat any solid foods until the diarrhea stops and it hasn't. I've been eating ice, gatorade, jello and popsicles the last twelve hours. I can't remember the last time I have had the popsicles that are wrapped in plastic. You have to squeeze them like a tube of toothpaste. The purple and red ones are my favorites. While I lay around like and slug and watch TV, commercials about food make my stomach back-flip. I doubt I'll ever eat pizza or blueberries again.

Yesterday was a perfect day to be sick though, we got over 5 inches of rain. Snaggle got the season five of Sex in the City, so I'll probably crunch Sonic's rabbit pellet ice and watch that DVD. I don't care if I had to watch Sesame Street 24/7, as long as I'm not vomiting. Did I tell you I'm so thankful not to be vomiting? :)