Taking Off the Rose Colored Glasses

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.

I've decided to quit some bad habits that I feel have gotten out of control. It's been four days. I'm fine during the day but in the evening, when the clocks strikes party hour, I don't know what to do with myself. I've been working out in the soap shed more, going to the gym in the evenings and eating dinner earlier. I'm feeling pretty good physically but sometimes people can annoy the fuck out of me.

I've come to realize humans can become addicted to lots of things- alcohol, drugs, food, sex, porn, shopping, blogging. I guess what I need to figure out is why I felt like I needed these vices to make me happy every night. Honestly, I think they were my escape. They made my problems, fears and feelings go away for a few hours. I guess it's a problem with "dealing with reality". Since my rose colored glasses have been off, I see things and others' motives a lot more clearly. I notice the little things, good and bad. Like yesterday, when I was stretching after my run, I watched these ants carrying little bread crumbs. Sounds dumb, I know. I think my brain was so foggy I didn't notice the little things about life for awhile.

Not everything is a fun and simple as watching the ants though. I am feeling a lot more. Sometimes, I feel really angry with people that have hurt me. I didn't feel any hurt during party hours and I never said anything, I'd just listen and take it. If it was especially hurtful, I'd just do more partying to make it go away. Now, it's all out on the table and I'll have it deal with it. I have market today and I won't have party time after dealing with customers. Good lord, Waldo better not be a dildo-head or I may shove an egg up his ass. He'd probably enjoy it though. I just don't have the patience for whiney, unhappy, grouchy souls right now.

My husband has been helpful, taking me out to dinner and listening to me spew out my feelings about life. I have felt closer to him in the last few days. It's not just bad feelings that I was shutting down but all feelings. I know this a good decision, it will just take some time for me to adjust to a new routine. I know I've been more productive. I have be consuming less junk food at night. Who knows, it may help me become a better athlete. Well, it's time to milk the goats and notice the perfectly round the goat poop in the bright green grass.