Friday, July 28, 2006

The Dumbest Things I'll Ever Say

To help you laugh your way into the weekend, I'll tell you three short stories.

1. When I was 20, my husband and I were driving to South Carolina. I saw a big, round sign off I-95.

I said, "Honey, what is googaas? Is it some infant and toddler store or something? Like goo-goo-gaa-gaa's?"

My husband could barely contain himself. "You mean Go-Gas?? That would be a gas station sweetie!"

2. Again, my husband and I were in the car. This time driving 1-95 north, going to DC. (I'm going to blame car rides for my lack of brain cells. ) There was an accident, maybe three cars. It was a very bad wreck, one car was crushed. The police, ambulance and fire fighters were at the scene. As we were driving by, I saw a fire fighter with a big piece of equipment.

"Oh NO! Someone really must be hurt honey! That fire fighter has to use the claws of death!"

My observation almost made my husband crash our car. He was laughing so hard, he was crying and couldn't see the road. I didn't know what was so funny until he caught his breath.

"That fireman is holding the Jaws of Life not the Claws of Death!"

I think my name for those giant metal scissors is better. If a fireman ever has to use those things to get me out of a car, I know I just escaped death.

3. One summer afternoon, when I was 14, my sister and I were looking at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. We were judging all the hot babes, rating them on our scale. I held up a picture of a beautiful, blonde girl on a beach wearing a silver bikini. I crowned her queen of that edition.

My sister asked, "What's her name? She is very pretty, I think I've seen her on TV before."

I searched the page for her name. "Ummmmm, uhhhhhhhh... I think she's Swiss or something. Her name looks foreign. It says her name is Ookla Freshman."

"What?? No beautiful woman wouldn't have that type of name! She'd change it." My sister snatched the magazine out of my hands to check.

"You are such a fucking retard! It says UCLA freshman!"

I never could live that one down. After that, anytime I ever said something smart-assed to my sister, she'd just say "Whatever, Oookla!" to put me in my place.

The scary thing is, I only have blonde highlights. No telling what I'd say if I was all blonde!

How about sharing the Tri love? Stop by to wish
  • Miss Jenny
  • good luck on her very first triathlon this weekend. It's her first open water swim and I'm sending her some good Mojo!
    Go baby, go go!


    At 7:58 AM, Blogger E-Speed said...

    LOL these are great! And I love your swim pic! Too cute!

    At 8:20 AM, Blogger Chris said...

    Haha! Those were great! They gave me a good laugh this morning. Thanks for starting out my weekend right! :)

    At 8:25 AM, Blogger Papa Louie said...

    Ookla is so cool. Is there a story behind your name Mojo? How did you get your mojo?

    At 8:47 AM, Blogger Bolder said...

    #1 why did my family not have Sports Illustrated swimsuit editions laying around
    #2 why did my sisters not have a rate the bikini game with me
    #3 ookla, your sea hawk post is up on, thanks for sharing...

    At 8:48 AM, Blogger nancytoby said...

    You go, Ookla.

    At 8:55 AM, Blogger Stillwater Heron said...

    Your stories made me snort with laughter!!
    I needed that.
    And again, your Sea Hawk pic is precious...

    At 1:35 PM, Blogger Mojo said...

    The story behind Mojo.... Because I run so fast like Flo-Jo??

    Sadly, that would be a Hell No!

    When we first moved to the farm, we were deciding on a name. I was talking to my husband on the tele about names. He was talking about the dew and the mist that rises from the pasture in the morning. He said "How about Misty Morning Meadow?"

    I said, "No way. That sounds like some type of feminine product. Like try these new "Misty Meadow" scented Tampons!"

    So, I thought about it more and came up with:

    He wasn't real happy about it at first. He said it sounded like some hippy, pot-head farm. I was just born 20 years late.

    At 2:34 PM, Blogger Miss Jenny said...

    I love your stories. And thanks for the good wishes -- you are so sweet to me!!

    At 3:52 PM, Blogger Paulie said...

    I took an Italian class while attending UCLA. UCLA is a world famous university and it turns out that "Ookla" is how the Italians pronounce it. I am not kidding!

    At 7:26 PM, Blogger Miss Jenny said...

    The packet pickup decision was easily made by the fact that I couldn't get off work in time to get out there. But I'm packed up and ready to go!

    I'm bummed you won't be there, but that just means that we'll have to find another time to meet up... (:

    At 8:35 PM, Blogger Papa Louie said...

    I knew there would be a hillarious story behind the name of Mojo.

    At 2:02 PM, Blogger Jessica A. Freas "Freeze" said...

    I love those stories... even when I have heard them for the 2nd and 3rd time! They still make me laugh!

    Keep the stories coming!

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