Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy

I did a ride for relay for life today. It was a last minute decision because I haven't gotten in enough bike miles this week. I have Bandit's Challenge next week and I'm nervous. Since I was selling the goats, I missed both evening group rides this week. Potential buyers always came after work and the group rides start at 6pm. I decided to go for gold and do the 100k ride today.
Starting out on the ride, Clifford was being a bad boy. He was making all sorts of noises while shifting and would really bark if I put him in the large rings in the back. It sounded like an extremely loud tooth grinder. I thought I knew what the problem stemmed from.

See, Don gets all ape shit about how my bikes are packed in the van. He likes me to use bungee cords and secure them tightly. He hates seeing a bike laying down on it's side. I asked for a kickstand. He threatens to sell my bikes if he finds they are be abused by me.

A few days ago, I didn't lock Clifford in the van tightly enough and he went crashing over on his side, hard. I didn't pick him back up and bungee him back in either. Today, I paid for it. I couldn't use any of the hard gears. Going down steep hills, I'd just pedal for nothing. Finally, I gave up trying to crank hard and just coasted down all the hills.

Then, when some guys were trying to help me figure out the problem, I almost wrecked. Because I dropped the chain when they told me to go into the hard gears. I freaked out and was just spinning air while going up hill. One of them saw I was going to fall over and grabbed me, thank God! I hate falling over, it always hurts my hip and I can't sleep on that side for a few nights. I owe that dude some soap.

When I finished the ride and was driving home, I decided to take Clifford to the bike shop. I was kind of scared that I really fucked him up. I didn't know how much it would cost to repair him. I think I'm going to need Clifford for Bandits Challenge because that race is so hilly.

I called Don at work while driving to the shop. "Hi Honey, how did the ride go?"

"It was okay. Something is wrong with Clifford though. I couldn't switch gears."

"Do you know why?" he asked.

"Nuh-uh, something with my chain ring?"I played the dumb non-mechanical chick card.

"Yes you do, you know the exact reason. It serves you right that you had problems with your bike today. I looked through your van window and saw the bike laying down!"

Busted.

And so is my crotch because I did an awful lot of bouncing while pedaling at like 200 RPM.

Lesson Learned.