It's Never Easy

I put an ad in the newspaper yesterday for goats. I need to sell the boys because they are getting horny. They are starting to pee in their beard, snort, stick their tongue out and they try to mount. I don't want any girls bred yet. If they were bred now, that would mean they would give birth in January. I like them to kid in March.

I have to cut down the herd, you can't keep them all. I sold nine goats today. Deciding which females will be sold is difficult. I always feel like I'm playing God. "Your life will be spared because you have better udders."

I got a phone call and a family offered me a good deal on all the goats. They want them for food. It much easier for me to sell them all at once. Because when I sell one or two at a time, I just suffer longer. I just have to "steel" myself.


Tonight, I caught the boys for the last time. I fed them all some golden delicious apples. I gave them their last sweet feed meal. The most difficult goat to say good-bye to was Fancy Pants. She just stood there when I to catch her and let me lead her by the collar. It was almost as if she knew this was her last walk with me through the green pasture.


I thought it would get easier. This is the third season I have sold the goats knowing they will be dinner. It's not easy. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. I eat chicken, beef, pork and fish. I know my goats will provide an extremely healthy feast for many people. I still feel wrong about people eating the goats I helped deliver. My emotions can change so quickly. Just four hours ago, I was wearing lingerie for my husband and feeling sexy. Now, I'm sweaty with goat stench and feel guilty.



We loaded them up and I got paid. (notice horn dog's tongue sticking out) I looked in the back of the trailer one more time and told them "Sorry little babies". I hope I was a good Mom to them while they were here, I will miss them. It still doesn't help. I hope I'm not going to hell for all this sacrificing of beautiful animals. I'm going to have some gin and tonic now.

7:46pm
Had some gin and tonic and have a rant:

Please don't come to my farm and pick up my animals and ask, "Can I slit their throat or tie their legs up and throw them in a pick-up to get them home?"

No, I loved them. I want to see them leave me alive and know I did my best while caring for them. I'll give you our pick-up and trailer to take them, safely. I am too much of a whimp to watch the death.