Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The Messy Murderer

I've been on a house cleaning binge. I recently purchased a can of Lysol and was excited about all the uses. I sprayed shower curtains, stripped the beds and sprayed mattresses, disinfected telephones and light switches. It will never replace my love for Clorox Clean-Up though. I have many pants and shirts ruined because I get a little Clorox Clean-Up crazy. My latest cleaning binge consisted of scrubbing all the floors with Clorox Clean-Up, especially corners of the room, the nooks n' crannies. The bathrooms and kitchen were sparkling and the fumes of bleach could give you a head rush.

I feel like I need to disinfect the house because we live on the farm and you wouldn't believe the poor creatures the cat drags in. Kitty is the ultimate predator. I think she is even starting to look like a murderer.

Just look at those glowing eye slits! For some reason, every poor creature she catches, she feels the need to bring it inside. We have a dog door for the Dobermans and Kitty knows how to use it. I thought it was endearing when she brought in her first little field mouse. "Good Kitty!" Or when she caught the house mouse after patiently sitting in front of the fridge like a statue for four hours. "Smart Kitty!" I even opened a can of Fancy Feast when she was killing flies in the house during the summer.

Her killing rampages have gotten completely out of control. She isn't bringing in little mice anymore, she's bringing in quarter pound mutant mice that squeal real loud. She'll proceed to eat them in front of me. At first, I was in shock. The mouse was still squeaking while she chomped down on it's head and continued on down. What really churned my stomach was the crunching noises of bones breaking as she slowly ate the mammoth mouse. You'd think we were starving her but she obviously has a taste for warm blood. She has an unlimited supply of Meow Mix available at all times, enough to make Baxter jealous.

The most disturbing kills are the birds. We have a lot of birds around the farm. The birds are especially fond of "Redneck Rooster", a chicken scratch blend I throw on the ground for the free range chickens. It contains millet and sunflower seeds, the songbirds love the grains and seeds. When you drive into our town, a sign says, "Now entering a bird sanctuary". Kitty is making this place a mortuary. At least twice a week, she'll drag in a bird. If I catch her, I will take the bird away because most of the time they are still alive. She has become wiser and now, she'll only bring in bird kills during the middle of the night when I am sleeping.

What did I wake up to yesterday morning? A big fucking mess of feathers in my freshly Cloroxed bathroom. The only positive thing I can say about kitty's kills is that she doesn't waste food. It makes me livid when I hear about hunters shooting deer but not using the meat. Kitty doesn't waste a morsel. The only thing remaining is a mountain of feathers and two little tooth pick legs.

Usually, when I see this mess when I first wake up, I decide to clean it up later. I just don't want to start my day cleaning up kitty kill. It will continue to piss me off though every time I walk into the bathroom. Yesterday, I decided to do things differently. Before I had any coffee, with sleep still crusted in the corners of my eyes, I cleaned up the mess. I felt a lot better. "The wise man does at once what the fool does finally." ~ Baltasar Gracian


At 10:15 AM, Blogger 21st Century Mom said...

My cat was a good predator until she got too fat. I'm not unhappy about this.

Does your kitty ever sing this kitty song?
"Love them little mousies,
mousies what I love to eat,
bite they little heads off,
nibble on they tiny feet."
— Kliban

At 11:10 AM, Blogger tarheeltri said...

Hands down you have one of the most interesting blogs on the internet! This post brings back memories of when I took care of my aunt's farm in Pennsylvania while going to Penn State. I had a cat named JR who would disappear for days then show up with a dead mouse in his mouth and plop it down right next to my little hibachi whenever I was grilling chicken. Looking back, I haven't the faintest idea why I never cooked one up for him!

At 11:25 AM, Blogger Laurie said...

She does look evil!

I grew up in the country and had many cats. They were not as ruthless as yours but they still loved to show off their prey. They would bring the dead animal to the sliding glass door to show us. The worst was when you didn't realize there was something in their mouths and you let them inside. Too many times the prey was not dead yet and it would scamper scared through the house! There was always squealing coming from me and my sisters when that happened. Then it would get chased outside with a broom and we'd yell at the cat. Ahhh, the good old days.

At 2:11 PM, Blogger Bolder said...

mojie -- i think she's sizing you up!?!

don't turn your back on her, regardless...

love the Duran, Duran -- great choice!

At 5:11 PM, Blogger Kim said...


no wonder why i am petrified of cats. i'm going to have nightmares for the rest of 2007 bc your kitty looks like the devil!!!

At 6:55 PM, Blogger Jill said...

Beazer has yet to encounter a mouse (thank goodness), but he has come across a couple roaches! He will chase them down all while my feet are safely off the floor (I HATE cockroaches). And just in case it gets away I set his nose back in the right direction. As soon as he catches it I am out of there - the crunching sound grosses me out big time. When I return there are only a few bits left (part of a wing or leg) which are easily vacuumed up!

At 8:16 PM, Blogger nancytoby said...

I love your kitty.

I don't think I've ever been on a cleaning binge in my whole life. Have you considered a 12-step group?

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