It's Been Awhile

I finally have some time to update. I have a new lap top and thought about my blog yesterday at work. Aimee, one of my triathlon friends came into the restaurant to eat breakfast in the morning with her new fiancee. She asked if I remembered what I was doing at this time last year. She reminded me of the bike ride that Jesse, Meg, Kurt and I went on at Morrow mountain. It seemed so long ago, I was so much more innocent and naive then. My demons back then consisted of finishing in the top three of the novice division. Life can change so quickly in a matter of one year.

I am working a lot, probably 45-50 hours per week. I do have Monday/Tuesday off from both jobs which is great because it's like my own little weekend. I get my bills paid, go to the laundry mat and go shopping. Time seems to go by so quickly now. I can't believe it's almost April. I sometimes look out the window at work and admire the Bradford pear trees blooming and feel sad. I wish I had more time to be outside and enjoy nature. I did enjoy all the time I spent outside training for triathlon.

My jobs waitressing are going just great. I feel comfortable now and know how to communicate and strike up conversations with strangers. Whatever I do, I put 100% of myself into it. I think I'm a good waitress, my tips are good and I receive quite a few compliments. It seems like the compliments come just at the right time, when I need them the most. What flatters me the most is how many customers remember my name. It's nice when I walk in at 6am and hear, "Good morning, Michelle." or when I'm leaving at night at walk through the bar and hear, "Have a good night Michelle, drive home safely." There is one couple I wait on everyday Sunday morning, before church. The husband has cancer and the wife always leaves me three indian silver dollars for my tip. I have been saving them. I told her a week ago how much they meant to me. One day, when I have a child, I'll give them the silver dollars I have been saving and tell them about this time of my life. I have some great customers and I do my best to make them feel special and appreciated too.

Friday's are still my most difficult days, 17 hours of working as a waitress is physcially and emotionally taxing. Even though my ass may be dragging, I still must smile and give the best service possible. Last Friday night, at the end of my shift, I was so tired that I couldn't wrap silverware properly without really focusing. It's supposed to be two forks, one spoon and one steak knife per napkin roll but I was wrapping two spoons. Simple tasks become difficult when I'm so tired. When I finally get home, a shower seems as difficult as the 1.2 mile swim at White Lake.

I still cook when I have the time and share my culinary creations with co-workers and people that live in the apartment complex. I have some people at work that will pay me for my homemade honey mustard dressing. There is an old lady in the apartment complex, Needa, that is 88 years old. She can no longer drive so she is sort of stuck here. She'll go for walks everyday and is a happy soul. I have started bringing her food several times a week. She is so sweet, she'll watch for me to come home and bring back my Gladware. "Oh Michelle, those chicken and dumplings were so delicious. I have been looking out the window for you to come home. I have memorized your car and license plate number." She's going to turn 89 soon and I'll make her a birthday cake to celebrate.

I do have some difficult days. Yesterday was one of them. I was tired after work and I have a cold. There is a pond behind my apartment and I went down to watch the sunset. A pair of mallards were on the pond and I fed them some bread. I thought about my animals. I thought about how at this time of year, I would be incubating baby birds. I thought about my goats and how they'd normally be kidding about now. And most of all, I thought about Monty and Missy. I miss them so very much. I cried.

I have seen Monty and Missy once since I have left. I took them for a walk at the park, then to Sonic and we ate popcorn chicken, french fries and they split a hot fudge sundae. Then, I took them to the petstore and they picked out a toy. We had a great time and then Don came to pick them up before I had to be into work that afternoon. Don is very angry with me and it's difficult to see the dogs because I must see him too. He won't let me just go to the farm to pick them up while he's at work. He insists on being present when I pick them up. I sometimes wonder if it's more difficult on them to see me too. Like are they waiting for me to come back? If I don't see them, maybe they'll just forget about me and think I died. I feel torn a lot when it comes to the dogs. I feel like a bad mother that abandonned her children. My lease expires in July and I may try to find a place that allows animals. I need to think it through. I don't want to move Monty and Missy if it would be more difficult on them. I will be working and going to school. They have the 25 acres on the farm to roam and a doggy door to use to go potty at any time. They deserve the best and I don't want to make their last few years more difficult. My heart aches for them and I desparately miss them when I have some quiet moments to reflect.

I am proud of myself. I never thought I could take care of myself but I'm doing just fine on my own. It feels great!